“Cuck”. Many of you reading this article have been hearing this term quite a bit lately. These days, it has been misappropriated as an insult meant to question a political opponent’s masculinity and toughness. A cuck, it is implied, is wimpy, effeminate, and weak. Truth is, this insecurity driven, sexual shame-based scorn is nothing new. The cuck (or more accurately, the cuckold) has been a figure of controversy and public outrage for centuries. After all, what can be more offensive to a macho-loving society than the idea that a man may unwittingly let his wife get away with cheating on him?
Turns out, there exists an even more outrageous, rule-breaking scenario: one in which the cuckold in question not only knows, but heartily approves of his wife’s infidelities. This is because the term “cuckold” accurately refers a man who derives sexual enjoyment and pleasure from hearing and fantasizing about, or witnessing his female partner’s sexual encounters with other men. At the same time, the cuckold himself remains faithful.
Cuckolding is rightly considered to be a mostly male-driven fantasy. When researching cuckolding for my dissertation, I found that in roughly 75% of cases it’s the men who first bring up the idea of cuckolding to their female partners. And while for many cuckolding forever remains an exciting but unattainable fantasy, some couples manage to put it into practice. In this way, cuckolding can be considered part of the consensual non-monogamy spectrum, just like swinging or polyamory. At the same time, cuckolding also has a strong overlap with BDSM, since many cuckolds also enjoy sexual humiliation, submission, deprivation, and other kinks. Similarly, the female partners range in their interests from simply having sex with other men with their husbands’ enthusiastic approval (in which case the term “hotwife” is most often used to describe the woman), to exerting complete sexual dominance over their cuckold partner (here, “cuckoldress” is the more frequently used term).
If you are a woman whose partner has admitted to having a cuckold fantasy, it’s likely that the next step will be him asking if you’d like to put it into practice. In this, cuckolding is unique, since the power to make it happen in real life resides primarily with the female partner. At the same time, depending on where you are in your relationship; your boundaries; and your own sexual interests and desires, the idea of introducing cuckolding into your relationship may bring up a lot of concerns and anxieties. It’s likely that you are worried about a lot of things, including:
Will my relationship withstand this new and unfamiliar dynamic?
What if my partner changes his mind, becomes jealous, and is unable to handle the consequences?
What if our friends, family, and social circle find out?
What if one of these strange men hurts me?
What about my sexual health and the possibility of pregnancy?
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and all these concerns are perfectly valid. Cuckolding is as challenging as it is exciting, and making it work in real life means starting out with a foundation of a strong relationship; emotional maturity; trust; mutual compassion and respect; and continuously flowing, open communication. Just like with any consensually non-monogamous relationship, bringing in new partners means adding difficult to predict variables. And, in the cases when cuckolding intersects with kink and BDSM, it means the added responsibility of expert knowledge, skill, and adherence to the governing principles of safe, sane and consensual.
The risks to women’s health and safety are real, and so are the occasional cases of emotionally immature cuckolds who end up blaming their female partners for “cheating” on them (often after the cuckold in question spent forever convincing his female partner to have sex with other men. Talk about unfair!) Even without these risks, it’s likely that your relationship will be challenged in new and unexpected ways. But, for the right couple and the right relationship, cuckolding can be incredibly hot, exciting and rewarding. Here are some examples of how cuckolding can benefit you and your relationship:
1. A stronger bond between the primary couple. In my research, many couples reported strong feelings of unity and connection after starting to practice cuckolding. Many also reported having more trust and better communication in their intimate relationship. This often leads to a renewed sense of trust, closeness and togetherness, all which are all hugely beneficial for the long-term health of a relationship.
2. More exciting sex between the cuckold and his female partner. Most couples who practice cuckolding have been together for a long time, often 10 years or longer. For them, cuckolding breathes new and exciting life into a relationship that, while loving and committed, may feel a bit boring and stale. The voyeuristic and taboo nature of cuckolding, combined with kink and BDSM for some couples, can open endless possibilities for exciting, titillating and highly satisfying sexual experiences.
3. Greater sexual satisfaction for the female partner. In my research, women who successfully engaged in cuckolding overwhelmingly reported feeling more sexually fulfilled and satisfied than ever before. Variety is the spice of life, and cuckolding offers ample opportunity for women to enjoy a selection of enthusiastic sexual partners. Some of these men (also called “bulls”) may provide particular sexual skills that these women’s primary partners do not possess; or they may fulfill additional sexual fantasies and desires, like being dominated, or having sex with a man with a substantially larger penis. No matter the specifics, women who engage in cuckolding often get access to more frequent, enthusiastic, and satisfying sex.
4. Increased empowerment and confidence. When done right, cuckolding can be incredibly empowering to a woman. While our society still struggles with the idea of women enjoying sex, a hotwife or cuckoldress has the freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure with a variety of eager partners. And while popular media still perpetuates the myth of a macho alpha male surrounded by a gaggle of besotted and passive women, in a cuckold dynamic it’s the woman who has her pick of virile and sexually interested men. Talk about an ego boost! The positive impact of this new-found confidence potentially extends further than the woman herself. Her cuckold partner also reaps the benefits of a woman who is assertive, voracious, and unapologetically sexy: all the qualities that make sex with her so much more exciting and pleasurable.
Cuckolding holds its share of risks for the people who engage in it (just like other non-traditional sexual practices). On the other hand, it also offers some undeniable and considerable benefits. Just like any other consensually non-monogamous and / or kinky lifestyle, it is not for everyone. But when approached and practiced thoughtfully, it can be a real gift to a couple who choose to bring it into their relationship. In addition to being extremely sexually satisfying, cuckolding has the power to revitalize and strengthen a relationship in new and profound ways. And even if you and your partner never put cuckolding into practice, it can become an exciting part of your sexual fantasy repertoire. With an open-minded attitude and a sense of adventure, the possibilities are endless.
If you and your partner are interested in cuckolding and need expert help, get in touch with me to schedule a free discovery session.